July 21th, 2016

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."

31/12/2015
This is very true. But finding the joy, well that is a b***h of a hard task. 

April 24th, 16.
This feels pretty strange.
I never could just be. I always analise my every move and every word said but now I'm just me. No hesitation, no double guessing and best of all no anxiety after words about what was going on during the day.
It's nice to cut out that constant stress out of my life.

I found this quote over a year ago and only now has it been possible to do. I struggled with this for years and it feels so strange for it to be so true and right and for my life to be just normal for once without constant stress around.

Walking down the hill from my house on the way to work feeling so good that my feet are unintentionally making me skip. Even the little things as feeling and looking good and not being apologetic about it.
I do feel as if I'm to feel bad for being so happy and content but what's the point?! I could be dead tomorrow! So I will not feel sorry. I will not apologise for finally coming out of depression and slowly taking control of my anxiety. It has been YEARS of crying myself to sleep, taking prescription tablets to calm me down, hiding myself so the world doesn't see me go by, hurting myself in more ways than one and never feeling like I deserve anything better.
It's about time I stop this pointless game because there is joy in life and you just have to go find it. And when you do, hold onto it with all you mite and never let it go!
I'll talk to you soon.
-K

July 17th, 2016

Life can be horrible. It can screw you over and over, tare you down, take your will to live and still come back for more.
I've been so used to it being this way that it became hard for me to see the good in the world. Sunshine after the storm became a myth and I accepted that life is just going to be this way.
But even though it kept on knocking me down I knew it couldn't stay like this forever and so I waited.

I waited for what felt like a miracle by now, to come along and make me see the beauty in the world again, to make me hopeful for the future and to make me happy to be here alive again.

That little miracle which I thought was impossible came.
It did come in a form of a human bean but it came to me.
Against all odds, against all the doubt in the world, that little handsome devil is the love of my life and there is no other way I can put it.

Never did I feel like this, like me around another human being, not even family. And soon enough he will be my family, though he feels like it already.

The person you are when you're alone with no distractions and no outside influences, the pure and real you. To be able to be that around another person is an almost impossible thing to do, but somehow I've done it.
I've gotten so luck to have found him when I did.
Looking forward to an interesting future cause no day is dull with him around.