August 30th, 2016

If this is my life then I'm happy as can be.
I am in charge of everything, control everything and I choose what happens. Can't ask for more than that. Though I have been given more. How have I deserved this I don't know but I ain't giving it back for anything.
I love every single little part of how my life is. Even right this second where it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Even now, I am so honestly happy. I'm surprised that I have it in me to do it but I'm glad I haven't lost all hope in the world to be able to push forward.
I'll talk to you soon.
-K

August 24th, 2016

"Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something."

- unknown

I am not sure who wrote this quote, but I am damn sure this is exactly where I am in life. 

So this apparently is what people call adulthood. Working, paying your own rent and bills, getting and making your own food, doing everything yourself. This is strange. 

On countless occasions I have said "I never seen this coming" and I really haven't. I have planned out everything, up to this point that is. I knew what school I was going to go to, I knew where I was going to live, I knew what I was going to eat. I got comfortable, most of the time I hid away but I was still comfortable from the safe place of my room. I could shot the door and keep the world out. But the world wasn't having it and wasn't going to leave me alone as I have recently found out. 

I have had a lot of dreams growing up but never thought any of them would ever come true. The main one though that kept on sticking when others would come and go was, the one I kept on striving for, for me to be accepted me for just simply being me and to be okay with it. I struggled with that for the longest time but eventually you realise that no one really cares about your mistakes as much as you might. No one looks at you for longer than 3 seconds and analyse your every move but yourself. If they do, carry on acting the full you want to be because you do you. 

Being comfortable in your own skin is easier said than done for anybody really but for someone with uncontrollable anxiety is almost near impossible, as I found out wrong the past couple of months. And to know that someone can truly and honestly fall in love with you for just that is the most incredible statement to write. 

"Endure it and it wont kill ya. And one day the sun will come out. You might not even notice straightaway. It'll be that faint and then you'll catch yourself thinking bout something bout someone who has no connection in the past someone who's only yours and you'll realise that this is where your life is."

He has helped me to see that I have a life here that I didn't think I could, that it is possible to be happy with who I am. I will never be just one thing. I have come from too many places and my past is like a maze I somehow with a lot of hard work found my way out of. But my roots will always be Polish/Irish, however much I might have tried to deny it in the past. You can find your own happiness you just have to look for it. 

All I can hope for is to make his life, our life together, as great as he has made mine since the day I've met him.

I'll talk to you soon.

-K.