October 2nd, 2024

I release all control and accept what the universe has to offer. It has been a very long road getting here but I can truly say I'm at peace. 

I am sorry for all the mistakes I have made over the years but it has all been a lesson learnt. It's been hard and at time incredibly difficult to carry on but I'm still here breathing, like my tattoo says. Any attempts I have made to shorten my life have not been successful and clearly for a good reason and now I understand why. 

There is a purpose to everything, whether we know it or not. 

All my numerous blogs are public with the hope of helping even just one person not to feel alone as I have when going through the hard times. And hopefully by reading someone can see that eventually it does get better. This doesn't mean it's easy, because even on a good day I do get my moments of doubt and self shame but as long as you push through and carry on for just one more day that is all that matters. 

You matter! Just remember that!

I'll talk to you soon.

-K

Xox

July 10th/9th 2024

Nothing matters life is shit. 

Just go die

-K

June 10th 2024 - Monday 22:41.

Before I let go

I want you to know that every moment spent with you was a treasure that I held close to my heart. 

I thought you were the answer to the quiet prayers of my soul, the melody to the song my heart has been singing silently. I thought you were the light in my darkest days. A reason for the small smiles that sometimes graces my life. 

I never knew how heavy silence could feel until I faced it without you and now every day stretches on shaded with the height of missing what was never mine.

The dreams I built around us crumble a little more with each passing day whispering what could have been. My heart feels so tender, so bruised with the realisation that some paths are meant to be walked alone. 

As I set back now, I carry the bitter sweet memories that will never grow old. Even as they fade into the quiet background of my life.

Philosophy verses - FB

And that's it, de-end. 

FIN 

Always and Forever xox <3

-Karina.

May 27th-28th 2024

So I drove myself to the lowest part of the country. Always wanted to do it but just been waiting on someone else. I've apparently done that with a lot of things in my life and somehow wasted years of it instead of just doing it because I want to. 

No one ever cared/cares about how much of my time they've wasted, but they wouldn't even realise as there is just so little care for my well being by other people. 

I always said I need a me in my life! someone that will go above and beyond for me and not need anything in return. 

Well I guess I'm going to be growing a me for myself so I can be there for me like I needed everyone throughout my life to be there. 

I'll talk to you soon.

-K

May 18th 2024 till unknown

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

Not even close,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all

May 17th till unknown

I hate this.

I hate every second I'm awake feeling like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest over and over again. I hate how numb I'm getting... Only functioningbas half a person, as you're the other half of me.

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you don't let me drive your car I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb boot's, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around,

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

Not even close,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all

May 16th till unknown

I hate this.

Hate every night that I don't get to feel you near me. Hate every second I'm awake feeling like my heart is getting ripped out of my chest over and over again when I remember what I'm trying so hard to forget...

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you don't let me drive your car I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb boot's, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around,

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

Not even close,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all

May 6th till unknown

I hate this.

Hate every morning without a coffee served and a kiss goodbye with a "love you have a good day"...

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair

I hate the way you don't let me drive your car I hate it when you stare

I hate your big dumb boot's, and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

It even makes me rhyme

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry

I hate it when you're not around,

And the fact that you didn't call

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

Not even close,

Not even a little bit,

Not even at all