This has been a very frustrating couple weeks. I am happier than I've even been in my life, everything is absolutely amazing and I still feel horrible, worthless and still surprised that I've made it this far. I was never meant to pass my 18th birthday, but I have and I'm amazed at it everyday.
I just noticed the 4th of November post, right before writing this. I have no recollection of writing it, the date is done wrong but it is understandable why I wrote it. It was right around a time where I was pretty depressed and trying to prove to the world that I had it all together while at the same time trying to make myself be okay.
I have no idea what I'm still doing here. No idea where I'm going.
I'm hoping this will all make sense one day but right now, it doesn't.
I'm trying to believe in faith for how life has brought me here, to him, to make all the wrongs in my life and all the bad be no more. So why do I still have this feeling sitting on my chest making it hard to breathe.
I have done what I had to, to be where I am now. I am stronger for it and although some people might hate me because of some actions that have lead me here, I will never apologise for it.
Staying in the position I was in had almost cost me my sanity. I almost lost everything I've had, myself. I will never be sorry for getting out of what really was the most rotten part of my life but I was thought to care about others and that is what is the most frustrating part of it all. No matter how much you get bitten down you still care about the other people. And wanting to know they're okay.
It's a rollercoaster of a mind I have and I don't know how I can slow down the ride without just getting off.
