July 19th, 2025

When someone can give you a really tight hug or stand there breathing with you for few seconds can ground you back into reality so quickly. How are you expected to do that when you're completly on your own. Bring yourself back when you're already as deep as the hold can get. You want to be productive but paralised by anxiety, you know you're wasting time resting to make yourself feel better but riddled with guilt because your wasting time and not doing all the things you need to get done. It's such a vicious circle you can't stop from spinning. 

I'll talk to you soon.

-K

July 15th, 2025

Life went from being so happy and exciting, so fast paced, to minutes dragging and days feeling like weeks. In a space of an hour I can go through all 22 emotions on the emotional scale and minute to minute not know what I'm doing next or even better forget what I was doing 5 seconds ago. I do accept that this is my life and this is just a part of my every day but damn is it annoying. Sat here feeling good as I managed to get out of bed before 12pm and actually done something productive with my day, not wanting to eat after cooking for over an hour because now I don't feel like it but still being absolutely starving as I forgot to eat all day. I'd really like to get off this rollercoaster now please. 

I'll talk to you later. 

-K

July 7th, 2025

It's been a while... again...

The longest year of my life and may be the hardest one yet, but I think I have been the most equipped to deal with it comparing to all of the others. 

I'm finally coming out the other side of a long depressive few weeks but still yet to find the strength to shower and wash off all this rage. It has felt like I well into a black hole with no end in sight. Thankfully after years of trauma I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and all you need to do is to push through and you'll get there. 

Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days feel like weeks and weeks feel like months. 

I don't know if this will ever get easier to handle but at least I know I eventually can get through it. Might not be as fast as I want it to be but progress takes time and time requires patience. 

I'll talk to you soon.

-K