I took my time, made sure I was ready, found the courage and said a proper goodbye.
It's never easy to get over a relationship and I don't think you can get over it completely, but there is always a chance to move on with your life. You find a good timing, you motivate yourself and you go and conquer your fear of potentially loosing that person forever.
Just remember, he was the one that broke it off. He is the one that is loosing here. You are just gaining opportunity to grow and explore the world with a new appreciation for life and the things around you.
- Realize that everyone is afraid of something. I am the only person in my household who is not deathly afraid of spiders. ...
- You don't have to overcome your fear all at once. ...
- Approach your fears as opportunities for growth. ...
- Be careful how you talk to yourself about what you fear.
Understanding him is the key to understanding what you should do. Kind of experiencing quarter life crisis. He's looking at his life and saying ''I'm still very young and the idea of being in this relationship for the rest of my life seems like an awful long time as it does for anyone'' and that's somethings that's going to be freaking him out a little right now. If he's on his career path and these a slot going on there, right now and he has big goals there,he's probably imagining a lot of these experiences in life that he still wants to do. One of the hard things, they very often experience this desire to do all of these things to travel and to visit different part of the world and to live in these different places and to feel experiences in life. Which they don't always feel like they can do with a partner or if they are going to do it on their own they will miss their partner too much so why put themselves through the pain. Why not meet a partner later in life, after they've done all of those things. So he has that dilemma.
This guy in unbelievably confused and thorn because he cares about you. He has spent a year and a half of his life with you which is long enough to get very very connected and very very entwined and in love and not to mention comfortable with that life. And giving that up is one of the scariest things people ever have to do.
It's terrifying and horrible to be the one on the receiving end of a break up but it's also terrifying and horrible to be the person breaking up with somebody else. Because you have it on your head as to whether in a month you're going to regret the decision whether you're going to look back and think ''why did I do that. I've know let her go and who knows maybe she's someone else's by the time I realise that I really want her and that was a terrible decision.''
The hard part is that he can't realise it's the wrong decision by staying. If he stays and keeps going he'll always be wondering what the other thing was. And so he knows right now that he probably has to go and experience that other thing even if just to prove he was wrong.
"I've been having an amazing time with you. I've been enjoying this relationship but I'm still terrified of what else is out there and of what I should be doing with my life. And whether or not this is the right thing for me to be doing at this stage of my life.'' And it's a testament to your relationship that he found it so difficult to do this, because it means he cares, it means there is love in the relationship and it means that he's also terrified of what he's loosing. It's fear of ''am I making the wrong choice''. In he's head it's all a mess right now.
The only way he's going to realise is by experiencing whatever it is he thinks he's missing or at least perusing it and trying it and seeing if that really works for him or whether in actual fact your relationship was the thing that he wanted.
The right person can come at the wrong time.
He might not believe he's supposed to be in a relationship right now at this stage of his life and it's a very difficult battle for you to fight but it's not your battle to fight. It's not your job to convince him that it is the right time.
It's you job to say to him ''okay, you know what. I love you, if you can't be happy in this relationship then you need to go and do what you think you need to do in order to be happy. And for your sake I hope you're right. I hope that whatever you're going for instead does make you happier because I wouldn't want you to go through the regret of this being the wrong decision. So go do your thing. And I know it is the hardest thing in the world to do. I know it is.''
It's something that is important for you to do and that lack of contact right now is very very important for you because right now you have that processes of first grieving. You will get over that, it will get less painful. And after that as soon as you're ready and as you can you go through the rebuilding period which is building a life that you're excited about. That can take you down new avenues and allow you to meet new people, experiencing new people, having new friends and great people around you and people that teach you how big the world is and how many different experiences there are to be had because there are just so many it's frightening.
You have to look at those moves critically and objectively and say ''is he really coming from a loving place, is he coming from a place of trying to re-build something here or is this really just him trying to feel connected.''
And him contacting me and reaching out is going to create constant pain for you right now. So understand he is not going to vanish off of the earth tomorrow. You don't have to respond to every message. You don't have to say the first time he texts you or calls you ''oh this is my chance''... take it slow, relax.
Because if there's anything ever that is going to help him come around is feeling like you're going out to live your life as well.
By going out and building this great existence and experiencing everything life has to offer and not waiting around for something that you could never guarantee and would be a foul to just sit there and wait for.
That pain is really really tough and I'm not in any way trying to make it sound easy cause it's not. It's one of the hardest things we ever go through. And it's so hard that for some people it turns them off relationships. It makes them turn away from them for good. But that's always the price we pay for how great it is and for how exciting it can be.
And at the end of the day as special as this guy was, the world is a very big place and if nothing else he's given you the gift of showing you how much fun you can have, how happy you can be and how rich and meaningful life can be if you go out and create connections and there's billion of other people for you to go and do that with now. It is a positive learning experience and I know you will be okay.
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